Stop Arguments Before They Start

Posted in: Friendships / Relationships,FYI Articles | December 12th, 2009

Family gatherings don’t have to set off arguments. Learn how to defuse them before they even start.

Sometimes it seems almost inevitable: You gather a large group of family members together, and before you know it, the arguments have started. Whether it’s a petty little tiff or a full-blown food fight, there are steps you can take to stop the fighting before it even starts.

Count to 10

Did Aunt Diane inadvertently insult your child-rearing methods again? It may sound old-fashioned, but before you react, take time out to count to 10. You might be surprised to realize you aren’t really that upset once you slow down and gather your thoughts. And at the very least, you can then take time to craft a careful comeback, rather than spout something in the heat of the moment.

Call a Truce

Avoid hot-button topics. If your family has a long-standing argument or certain issues that can’t be discussed without tempers flaring (politics, sports), declare a truce before the holiday gathering. Don’t allow the topic to be discussed, and if someone brings it up, quickly change the subject.

Stand Alone Time

The holidays are all about family, but that doesn’t mean you won’t start to feel crowded or trapped, which can lead to feelings of anxiety. Take time out each day to reconnect with just yourself—try going for a quick walk or taking a half-hour to relax and read a book or magazine.

Be Flexible

Things might not go exactly how you thought, or how you planned, but the key is not to stress or worry. Just go with the flow and try to keep your sense of humor about it all. After all, which is more important: Your son visiting with his grandma, or making the perfect, lump-free gravy?